| 7/20/2024 8:00:47 AM Ikeh89 |
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| Question for everyone: If your married how do you manage your finances? Do you split your bills based on income? 50/50? combine everything and there isn't a his/her money its "our" money? I've been reading so many articles lately and it seems a lot of people don't combine and then have arguments that lead to divorce. in 2021 there were almost 700,000 divorces in America, 36% were stated to have stemmed from financial issues. Thoughts? |
| 7/21/2024 12:09:28 AM retire4lyfe |
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| We have always combined everything. We each handle different aspects of our finances. One handles the CC and purchasing the other handles the investing. But we discuss any large purchases or investment decisions before making them. We are both hesitate to buy anything over $100 for ourselves, not because we can't afford it or even that the other spouse would care, but because we both like to save and have a hard time spending. When one of us is thinking of buying something for ourselves, the other is usually encouraging them to get it, but since we both came from modest means, we have a hard time doing it. One of the keys to financial success is to have a spouse that has the same goals financial or otherwise that you do. If both are pulling in the same direction things work much more smoothly. I'm blessed with an awesome spouse! |
| 7/21/2024 12:21:43 PM FatStacks |
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| Met in '99 (college), moved in together in '03. House was in my name only since she was still in college, and I'd just graduated & had a full-time job. Married in '06. Our money has always been "our" money - separate finances were never a consideration. We both brought ~28k of student loan debt into our relationship; but I brought a bunch of credit card debt. I've always made more money.
She has her checking account, I have mine. Our salaries get deposited into our own respective accounts. I pay the mortgage/bills/car maintenance/Roth IRA/etc out of my account (I do all the finances), and she pays for all the groceries/beer/going out. When we overspend from her account (every week, because we do all the things), I try to cover it with money from "somewhere". I stress about money (but I like money stuff), she doesn't. It's been working well for us for many years.
In terms of large purchases (also ~$100); we generally discuss first. |
| 8/6/2024 2:01:15 PM girlnextdoor |
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| Married since 2017, dated for 5+ years before that. Since marriage, our money is 100% combined (no separate accounts). I manage virtually all of the money stuff (because I enjoy it, he doesn't) but my networth spreadsheet that I update monthly is shared so that he can see at any time what's going on in all of our accounts. We discuss large purchases together. Both of us are pretty frugal so almost every time one of us wants something the other is on board, as our wants tend to be pretty minimal all things considered. We don't really budget, but I track spending monthly and will let him know if our spending in a certain category is trending higher than usual for a few months, so we can decide whether to let it go or rein it in. |
| 8/6/2024 2:14:21 PM girlnextdoor |
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| FWIW I would *never* encourage someone to get married and keep separate finances. Money that goes into a joint account and then some to each of you in separate accounts as "fun money," okay I guess (although we don't do that). Over the course of our relationship, we've experienced layoffs, changing careers, DH quitting his full-time stable job to pursue his passion, me changing to a lower-paying but more flexible job after having kids, currently pregnant with baby #3 and each one has involved some amount of unpaid time off during maternity leave, generally trying to have one of us not working full-time while we have littles at home, etc. etc. - not ONE of these required a "renegotiation" of who pays for what, or what's "fair," because we have joint accounts and we do everything together. It also doesn't matter whose name is on a retirement account, it's all "our" money for "our" future retirement, so it doesn't really matter which account gets funded. Etc. etc. |
| 8/7/2024 8:07:02 AM FatStacks |
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| girlnextdoor - Well said, and I completely agree!
This last line, "It also doesn't matter whose name is on a retirement account..." should be in everyone's wedding vows...or maybe on a plaque in the hall of marriage counselors!đ
It must be discussed, and agreed upon, *at some point*, but sooner is better, obviously. |
| 8/12/2024 3:54:42 AM testertest98 |
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| It is heartening to see the commentary here. One does not typically see this in the media nowadays... |
| 8/14/2024 6:46:09 AM getagrip |
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| Been married over 30 years now. We started with nothing so it's all one big pot for us. Much like retire4lyfe we don't spend much over $100 on things without checking with each other or if it's expected bills (e.g. the once every two week groceries) and we often discuss what was spent and why. Our one exception is our "fun money" accounts which includes a small paycheck deposit and individual work bonuses. However, even that money is in accounts with both our names on it, so they really aren't "individual" accounts, we just treat them that way. IMHO if you both don't have much in the way of assets, a business, or possibly something to do with children from another relationship, I don't see the point of "individual" accounts. If you have actual assets, I'd think you would be better served with a properly drafted prenup to make things clear. If things go south, anything earned during the marriage are typically marital assets, whether held in an individual account or not. |
| 9/9/2024 2:40:55 AM labangel |
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| Great questions! Thanks for asking and thank you for commenting whenever anyone else hits milestones! I donât have any strong opinion. Rn we do whatâs least effort/most convenient but I can share my story and maybe this will change after having a child. We met in 2015 fresh from grad school, are in the same profession and expected similar life income trajectories so I always aimed to split everything 50/50. Got to the point of being transparent about finances since 2017. Married 2020 and opened our first joint acct in 2022 with first home purchase which we contribute equal amounts to monthly, before that he would venmo me his half of rent every month. We use joint money to pay PITI, utilities, income taxes, etc. Since getting married the 50/50 split is never achieved because we both make significant stock-based income which makes it hard to predict tax brackets ahead of time. I usually over withhold taxes since my employer has an easy online form to update this on the fly, and partner |
| 9/9/2024 2:42:54 AM labangel |
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| and partner pays most of our living expenses since they have a CSR card. This is enough that I call it even between us and try my best to update my and his witholding every time we file taxes. I openly care more about the 50/50 split, I secretly think my partner prefers paying for our living expenses since it confers the gender-affirming âproviderâ label. |